Lauren Wakefield

I remember meeting Sidne and thinking she was so edgy and intimidating.  Like the kind of girl you are afraid to talk to because she obviously will hate you.  She had giant holes in her ears with spikes next to them and looked so much more like a photographer than I ever would.  It was our first day of Photo 1…the day I met my best friend.

Over the years Sidne has evolved from that scary girl in Photo 1 to not only my best friend…but an incredible woman who I am so honored to get to do life with.  She’s one of those people that is good at EVERYTHING.  And I mean everything.  She’s one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met…there for you in a second if you need it.  And sometimes even when you don’t.  When she loves you…you know it.  And she loves with everything she has.  She’s beautiful to the core (as well as on the outside.  I mean let’s be honest…she’s a bombshell).  She’s an amazing friend, business partner, girlfriend, dog mom, daughter…and an incredible woman who I am so grateful to have as my partner in crime.

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SIDNE HIRSCH

I’m a procrastinator.
I’m writing this blog post just hours before Lauren will post.
In college, sometimes I would skip a class in order to finish a paper for the following class.

I hate being late but I’m never on time.

I am terrible at keeping in touch.
The majority of my friends have moved away.
It makes me very sad.

I often allow myself to be taken advantage of professionally.

This one is hard to explain.

I always say yes – and end up over scheduling. I agree and agree and leave little time for myself.

Or, I’m always rushing around like a madwoman to get things done.

 

Sometimes I sweat the small stuff.

 

I curse like a sailor and a trucker had a baby and named her Sidne.

 

I hated by body most of my life – not because I was overweight – but underweight.

I was a ballerina, so I was bony and very muscular.

I hated my legs. And my spine. And my elbows. And my feet.
I shopped in the boys department because girl clothes didn’t fit. I was too tall and skinny.

And now, I’m 30. And holy shit.
I would give anything to be 15 and bony again. With a 6-pack and 0% body fat.

 

When I get mad (reallllly mad) I cry.

This infuriates me.

 

I’m terrible at expressing my feelings.

 

I have never had a 10 year plan.

I’ve never even had a 5 year plan.

Someday I might regret that.

 

I’ve never dreamed of my future wedding, husband, children, career, etc.

 

I love babies but have never wanted one of my own. I know someday this may change, and that scares the shit out of me.

I am far too selfish to share my life with a needy kid.

And I don’t feel that I should feel guilty about that.

 

I hope to someday win the lottery but never buy a ticket.

 

I often fear that I’m not “good enough” at___ for___ with___ (Just fill in the blank)

 

I have a passion for books.

The way they feel, the way they smell…

But I rarely read.

 

I am the most indecisive person – ever.
Just ask anyone I know.

 

My “bucket list” is far too long for my lifetime and that is depressing to say the least.

 

All that being said,

I may be happier now than I have ever been.

Go figure.

Nicole truly is my woman crush.  I met her for the first time when she came to our Turning Tides retreat.  I knew a little bit about her story from Christy, who photographed her wedding…and I just knew I liked her already.  Throughout that week we spent early mornings over coffee talking about life.  At the time…her husband, Ronnie, was deployed to Iraq and I remember just being in awe of her.  She would talk about what they’ve been through and what it was like to go for so long without him and my heart literally ached for her.  This girl…who is like a ray of sunshine to be around…so positive and full of life…was dealing with something so huge and life altering yet bringing such a brave face to military wives everywhere.  There was a time when she was talking to some of the girls and I remember thinking…I would rather get cancer 10 times then live a year without Gary.  And in that moment, Nicole became my hero.  🙂

She is one of the sweetest, most genuine…truly authentic people I know.  For the last few years I have been obsessed with following along with her life because even on the saddest days…it’s full of so much joy.  Nicole is an incredible wife…one who has dealt with more in their short marriage than most wives deal with in a lifetime.  She is brave and supportive and picks the people up around her.  She is an incredible photographer, an amazing friend…and one kick-ass woman.

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NICOLE LENDER

I’d say there are approximately twelve Reese’s wrappers in the backseat of my car at any given time.

I have a mole on my cheek that my close friends and family say is something that is beautiful about me.  I’ve went to the dermatologist countless times to get it removed, but I always end up backing out.

I’ve been skunked.  Literally.  A skunk sprayed me point blank.  Instead of going on a date, I had to give myself a tomato bath.

I say fuck.  A lot.  It disappoints my parents.

I have a really rad scar on my hand that looks like a Harry Potter lightning bolt.  I pulled the cord of my mom’s hot curling iron when I was a year old and it fell on my hand.  I was made fun of for it all throughout middle school but I thank my mom for an awesome scar because it makes me unique.  (Don’t try this at home, kids.)

I’ve gained fifty pounds since I started college. Every day is Monday for me – I make up every possible excuse to not eat healthier and exercise more.

I have a lot of friends on social media scattered all over the world, yet I feel extremely alone in my own city.

I drink wine like it’s water.

I don’t have a close relationship with my brother and that has bothered me for a long time.  I fear it will always feel this distant.

I feel like people look down on me when I tell them I don’t have more education than an associate’s degree.

One of my biggest failures in life is having let go of those who loved me deeply.

My relationship with my husband prior to getting married was saved when the only method of communication for five months was handwritten letters.

While vacationing in California, a bicyclist and I collided head-on while I was driving a rental car. I tried to comprehend what had just happened while shards of glass were scattered everywhere…and for fifteen seconds, I thought I had ended someone’s life.  I still struggle with the thought of this happening to me again whenever I drive anywhere.

Losing Milo, our Shiba Inu puppy, to a heart condition was one of the toughest things I have ever experienced.  His loss put me into a deep phase of distrust – something I had already struggled with for a long time.  I still have trouble believing strangers’ intentions.

People used to make bets on how long my marriage would last.  It hurt me to the core.

I get really offended if people are brutally honest with me.  People say I’m too sensitive but the truth is that I just feel too much.

When my husband joined the Army, I had a longing desire to become a mother.  Financially, we were nowhere near where we needed to be to raise a child, but I constantly nagged him about starting a family.  I think being a military wife and being surround by young wives having babies made me feel like I didn’t have a purpose.  Fast-forward several years. I don’t feel like I would ever be a good mom.

In 2012, I went to the doctor after years of unexplainable chest pain. I was told it was “probably just a pinched nerve.”  I never got a second opinion and the pain still keeps me up at night.

I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve been in.  Another woman became pregnant during one of those times.

For so long, I was constantly pretending to be someone I wasn’t for the sake of having friends who really weren’t good friends at all.

I fear that I will never be able to reach my dream of living next to the ocean.  Every day spent away from it feels like a day wasted.

I’m an over-controlling wife because my husband’s a daredevil and I fear that if I don’t keep him safe something terrible will happen to him.

I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of school loan debt that I’ll never get out of.

I missed my last day of college because my drink was drugged the night before.  My friends kept me safe, but I didn’t wake up until 3:00 PM the following day. I handed in my finals late and received a lower grade, but I never told my teachers what happened because I was too ashamed about it.

I think traveling is one of the best things we can do as humans for our souls, but the economy and our busy work lives keep us from seeing so much of the world.

Being a military wife has made me question so much about our nation’s government and I often worry about what’s to come for our country.

At 19, my husband-then-boyfriend’s father looked me right in the face and told me I would never be successful as a photographer. Five years have passed and I don’t think I will ever consider him my father-in-law.

I don’t live in the present enough and I use my mobile devices as a cop-out from having what would most likely be very meaningful conversations.

I was once seconds from suicide.  I constantly struggle with my anxiety and with the stigma that comes with mental disorders.  I’ve learned over time that it’s okay to ask for help.

At twenty-three, I’d rather stay in the confines of my own home and enjoy time spent with my family (and by family I mean my husband and my fur-kids).  At the end of the day, the only thing you have is the love you share with your family and your friends.  I’ve learned that my perfectionist characteristics created unrealistic and impossible desires for myself for so many years.  Every day I become more and more comfortable with being my truest, authentic self and it is so much more rewarding to be loved so incredibly for the imperfect qualities that make up who I am.  I had never felt more alone in my life than when I was a military wife – and in ways – I am thankful for that.  I hit rock bottom and stuck there in that rut for roughly three years and because of that, the challenges that I am faced with don’t seem so scary.  They don’t seem so impossible and actually… for the first time in my life a lot of my goals are actually beginning to seem achievable.  Regardless of how people perceive me, whether I fail or I succeed, whether I lose the weight that’s keeping me down (literally and figuratively speaking), I am loved and I love others…so fucking much.  (Sorry, mom and dad. I love you.)  What screws us up most in life is the image in our head of how we think it’s supposed to be.  Nothing has held me back more than my own insecurities and unrealistic perceptions of what life should look like.  At the same time, I have so much and so little life to live, and I will make the absolute most of my journey in this life of mine – attempting to live in the moment and taking each day as it comes – whatever they may bring.

Oh man…the love I have for this woman is off the charts.  I think now that I am an aunt I can truly understand the love that goes along with it.  Sure…Katharine is still figuring out that she loves me more than life itself…but I have no doubt in a few more years she’ll feel the same way as I do about Julie.  See…I seriously lucked out in the in-law department.  Julie is Gary’s aunt (and now mine) and from the first day I met her…I fell in love.  She is one of the greatest people on the planet.  She loves deeper than I think most people can even comprehend.  She is unapologetically herself and makes you be the same.  When she laughs…she really laughs.  And when she listens…she really listens.  She’s one of those people that you walk away from way counting the seconds until you can go back.  She is an incredible mother and grandmother…aunt and friend.  But she’s an even better wife.  In the short time I have known her (in the scheme of things) she has taught me so much about marriage and love and what it means to be truly happy.  Watching her and John together…after almost 45 years of marriage…is something so inspiring.  And beautiful.  Bottom line…Julie is an incredible woman through and through.  And one that I am so lucky to call family.

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JULIE CLIFTON

I love everyone very deeply and sometimes get hurt very deeply because of it.  Which makes that both a blessing and a curse.  When I give someone my heart, I give it completely.

I’ve been overweight since having my two children.  90% of the time I’m completely fine with being chubby petite.  The other 10% not so much.

In my late 20’s I suffered with depression and during that time I thought many times that my family and friends would be better off without me.

I could never measure up or please my Dad and, unfortunately, it’s the same way with my sister.  They are the only two people in my life that have ever made me feel this misunderstood.  My Dad died when I was 20, but I’m still trying to please my sister.

I’m extremely afraid of being a bad mother-in-law.

I am a perfectionist.

Sometimes I’m secretly ashamed because I’m only a high school graduate.

I miss my mother every hour of every day.  She died of cancer almost 23 years ago and the wound is still like it happened yesterday.  She made me feel loved and special every day.  I still have days when I feel like I just can’t survive without her.  Best mom ever!!

I am the baby of the family, but most of the time I’m more like the first born.

I am famous for bursting into song – – any time, any place.  And sadly, most of the time I don’t know the right words so I make something up.

I suffer from anxiety attacks.  I never know why or when one might come on.  I don’t leave my house without my medication.  In the beginning it made me feel weak, but time and knowledge completely changed my mind about that.

I’m an emotional eater.  Happy, sad, nervous, whatever.  Ice Cream is my favorite “go to.”

I have become a horrible texture eater.  Certain textures like guacamole I can’t eat.  And “no poopie” at the table.  Talking about certain things while I’m eating makes me not be able to finish my meal.

I am ProLife and ProChoice – – I could never abort a baby myself, but I want a woman to have a choice depending on her personal situation.

I’m a very spiritual person, but very private about it.

I never completely unpack from a trip because I don’t want it to be over.

I hate it when people think I’m too cheesy about my husband, children, grandchildren and family.  To me they are all perfection and I want to shout it from the mountains.

I’m very old fashioned when it comes to mail.  I love writing letters and sending cards.  “Mail time” is one of my favorite times of the day.

I’ve learned different people come into your life at different times for different reasons.

I despise when someone lies to me believing I’m stupid enough to believe them.

I love being silly and goofy.  It brings me lots of happiness and joy.

I sometimes think being at the ocean is the closest I’ll ever get to heaven – – or maybe it’s my heaven on earth.  All I know is that it’s a very, very happy place for me.  It makes my soul smile.

There are no do overs in life!

I’m proud of the good friend I know I am.  I also know I let friends take advantage of me, but eventually I reach a point when I say no more and I stick to that.

I’m 63 years old and have reached a point in my life that I’m completely comfortable with myself.  I am who I am.  I’ve learned that you can be a strawberry, but not everyone likes strawberries and that’s okay.  The little things mean more to me than the big things.  I’m very easily entertained and content.  I love smiling and laughing and I have the laugh lines to prove it.  I’m that person who wants everyone to be happy and tries to make sure they are.  I don’t think I’m anyone’s normal and I’m more than okay with that.  I found my forever when I was 13 years old – – we’re about to celebrate 45 years of marriage and I’d do it all over again.  I adore our children, our in-law children and our four grandchildren.  In this thing called life, all things considered, mine has been very good!